Help Me Understand
by kisses-A
Summary: I refused to let her go again. She had left me once and then I almost died without telling her "I needed to show you that there is someone that loves you Liv." I brought my hand up to her cheek and closed the gap between us kissing her tenderly. E/O! E/O!
1. SHOOT

**Hey, so this is my first E/O story. I really hope you like it!**

**PLEASE R & R!**

OLIVIA

"OLIVIA! SHOOT HIM! NOW!" Elliot hollered at his partner. He would have done it himself it wasn't for the fact that he was being held at gunpoint by the one and only Victor Gitano.

I maintained my position. "Gitano, put the gun down and we can all walk out of here alive. If not, you know what will happen."

"Oh, Olivia. I promise that if you kill me, your partner is going down with me."

I shuddered at the thought of Elliot laying there in a pool of his own blood on the warehouse floor. I couldn't do it. I couldn't shoot. I loved Elliot my partner AND I was ALSO In love with Elliot, my best friend. I wasn't going to be single handedly responsible for my partners' death. I knew that I couldn't live without him. I could feel the tears clouding my vision and as I tried to blink them away I couldn't help letting them escape.

Elliot sighed. She needed to shoot him now! He didn't care if it cost him his life, but he needed this bastard to pay for what he did!

"Don't make me shoot you Gitano!" Tears were now cascading down my face. "Please" I whispered inaudibly.

"Just do it Liv" Elliot mouthed.

I was about to shake my head to refuse his request when suddenly a shot rang out and there in front of me was both the most beautiful sight and the most horrific sight I had ever seen. Elliot was standing there at bit bruised and shaken up, but otherwise fine. And there was Gitano, crumpled on the floor laying in a pool of his own blood. I could feel myself backing away from the scene. When I felt the hard cement wall make contact with my back I merely slid down the wall, letting my gun clatter to the floor. I curled into a little ball and held my head in my hands. Elliot! MY ELLIOT! Had almost been killed! The mere thought of it overwhelmed my senses and sobs began to wrack my entire body. I was so upset that I hadn't heard anyone approach me and as I lifted my head up my heart skipped a beat. Elliot was crouched down in front of me, a fire blazing in his breathtaking blue eyes. "Elliot!" I sobbed, as I grabbed him and pulled him down to sit beside me. I buried my head in his chest and inhaled his wonderful scent. "I'm sorry El."

He shifted slightly and brought his hand to the small of my back. "It's okay Liv." He whispered into my hair, placing a kiss on my head. "It's okay."

I sat there, cuddled up to him for what seemed like forever before he helped me rise to my feet. He wrapped his arm around me, protectively and led me away from the horrific scene. "I'm sorry El, I'm sorry." I couldn't speak; only repeat those words over and over again.

Elliot held me closer and as my eyes adjusted to the bright light I could see nearly fifty people smiling at the two of us as we emerged from the warehouse. My cheeks flamed with embarrassment and I buried my face in Elliot's chest.

He gently removed his arm from my shoulder, I quickly shut my eyes and I whimpered, wanting him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was going to be all right. "Hey, Liv, I'm right here, I just need to unlock the door of the cruiser." Moments later I could hear the back door of the cruiser open and I stepped forward and slid into the back seat. Elliot was about to shut the door when I whimpered again. He studied my face. Without a word he understood what it was that I wanted and he slid into the back seat next to me pulling me into a warm embrace. (I don't remember the last time that Elliot had held me like this. Sure we brushed hands here and there and we had the occasional hug, but this was something different. Something entirely different. This hug was both one of care and concern, but mostly one of pure unadulterated love. I could feel the longing for him that I had hidden so well for so many years radiating throughout my entire body. It took all that I had not to kiss him right then and there.) He held me close the entire way back to the precinct and held my hand when we had to give our statements. I refused to be any more than an arm's length from him for the rest of the day.

Finally Elliot and I stepped out into the cold December night. We exchanged a glance and of course, good old Elliot read my mind. _There was no way in hell I was letting him out of my sight tonight._ He nodded and silently grabbed my hand, leading me to his car.

As Elliot opened the door to his apartment I relaxed a bit. I was safe here. With all the locks around here, Elliot and TWO guns I knew that I was safe. I sat down on his couch and waited for him to come over to me with the scotch bottle and two shot glasses. Once he settled down next to me he spoke.

"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken that shot Olivia." I was shocked. How could he think I would do that. For the second time that day I could feel the tears beginning to fall once again.

"No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids? I questioned.

"I don't know, I just couldn't get that boy out of my head." He sighed

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" My voice cracked and the tears began to fall freely." Like you said, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man." I cried. I needed him. I was dead without him.

"I saved my partner and a boy died. We both chose each other over the job. I won't let that happen again otherwise we can't be partners." My heart shattered. I didn't want anyone to have to die, I just wanted him to choose me. ME. I wanted to be more important to him than this job. I couldn't lose him.

"I can't believe you're saying that." I whimpered. Trying desperately to control my tears.

"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it."

"I don't want to have to choose. If I put you first I risk my job, but if I put my job first I risk losing you."

I couldn't listen to him anymore. All that I knew was that I needed him. Every part of my body ached for him. I jumped from the couch and raced into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I leaned against the door taking in huge gulps of air, trying to control my breathing. I slid down onto the floor and all of those pent up emotions I had had pertaining to Elliot and I came pouring out. I cried for what seemed like hours, all the while I could hear Elliot's deep breaths from the other side of the door, waiting patiently for me to emerge from the bathroom.

My eyes finally ran dry and I pulled myself up from the floor and walked over to the mirror and gasped in horror at my appearance. My makeup was so smudged that there was nothing I could do to fix it, and my eyes were bloodshot and puffy. I quickly washed the makeup off my face and dried it before walking over to the door, putting on a brave face as I opened it. Elliot, who had been resting his head in his hands jumped from his seat and slowly approached me.

"Liv?" I nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I care about you." He went to hug me, but I flinched away. "Liv? Talk to me. What is wrong? I don't understand."

"THAT'S JUST IT ELLIOT! YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!"

"What is it that I'm supposed to be understanding? Help me to understand whatever it is Liv. Help me understand."

I looked away from him.

"LIv, what is it?"

"NOTHING!" I didn't really mean to snap at him, it just kind of came out that way.

"Liv…" his voice softened

"EVERYTHING!"

"Olivia, look at me." He cooed

"WHAT!" I screamed

"You've _got_ to stop this! You've got to stop with this whole hot and cold thing! One minute you're clinging on to me for dear life and then the next you're standing here shrieking at me!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT ELLIOT? FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! IF I EVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN IT WILL BE TOO FUCKING SOON!"


	2. I'm DONE

**WOW! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR REVIEWS!**

**HERE IS CHAPTER 2 AS PROMISED!**

**PLEASE R & R**

"_You've got to stop this! You've got to stop with this whole hot and cold thing! One minute you're clinging on to me for dear life and then the next you're standing here shrieking at me!"_

"_YOU KNOW WHAT ELLIOT? FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! IF I EVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN IT WILL BE TOO FUCKING SOON!"_

**ELLIOT**

I can't believe that she just said that to me! I love her with every fiber of my being. I was stupid enough to think even for a second that she felt the same way as I do. I tried to maintain my composure. "You know what, THAT'S ENOUGH! GOOD NIGHT OLIVIA!" I turned and strode out of my apartment.

My head was spinning. My whole world was falling apart around me. I stormed down the street not knowing exactly where I was going. I couldn't go home. I walked out on Olivia in MY own apartment! Next thing I know I'm standing in front of the precinct. I climbed the steps to the CRIB and slowly unlocked my locker. I pulled out my sweats and changed quickly. I shoved my other clothes back into the locker and trudged over to one of the cots. I set my phone alarm for 6:30 and I fell onto the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My ears were ringing. I groggily opened my eyes to discover that I was in the CRIB and my cell phone was going off, telling me to wake up. I quickly got up and showered. I opened my locker to find a spare set of street clothes which I slipped on. I found a plastic bag buried in the corner of my locker and I began to empty its contents into the bag.

I walked out into the main room and emptied my desk. I sat there waiting for Cragen to arrive. In one hand I held my badge and in the other, my service revolver. I studied he two items carefully and ran my fingers over the rough patterns etched into the metal. I quickly lifted my head as I heard the front door open and I watched Cragen come in.

"Elliot? It's 7AM. Why are you here so early?"

"Captain. We gotta talk."

Cragen sighed and I followed him into his office.

"Should I even try to reason with you Stabler? You're one of the best we've got. We really can't afford to lose you."

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm sorry Captain. I can't do this anymore."

"El, I know that this whole Olivia thing just isn't working for the two of you. Is that why you want to do this?" I looked down at the floor. We both already knew that the answer to his question was yes.

" I can get you a new partner, or temporarily reassign you."

I shook my head. "I'm really sorry Captain." I laid my badge and revolver down on his desk and I turned to leave.

He sighed, knowing that there was nothing that he could say to make me change my mind.

"Elliot, one more thing."

I turned around to look at him.

"There's always a spot here waiting for you."

I nodded. "Thanks." And with that I walked away.

**OLIVIA**

9:07AM

Jeez, Captain is gonna kill me for being late. I opened the front doors silently and I quickly crept in without Cragen noticing my tardiness. I looked up from my desk. Where was Elliot? It wasn't like him to be late. It wasn't like him to be so clean either.

"BENSON!" Shit! Cragen had noticed and he sure sounded pissed.

"Yes Captain?" I asked in my sweetest voice.

"Get in here NOW!" I could tell, this wasn't going to be good. I sighed and I got up from my seat and made my way over to Cragen's office and I peeked my head in. "Yes Captain?"

"SIT DOWN!" He hissed. I quickly obeyed. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" He spat. I sat there completely lost. "Huh?"

"STABLER! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

I looked at him puzzled. "Nothing. We had a fight last night, but we'll apologize when he gets here, like we always do. Where is he by the way?"

"He's not coming." He stated coldly.

"Is he okay?"

"No."

"Oh god! Did something happen to him?"

"No."

"Well then where Is he and when is he coming back?"

"He's probably at his apartment or something, and **Olivia**, thanks to whatever happened between _**you**__**two**_ last night, Elliot isn't coming back."

"No! Don't fire him! He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Olivia…"

"Fire me! Not him!"

"Olivia!"

"I mean captian. Please."

"OLIVIA! I DIDN'T FIRE HIM"

I looked at him completely baffled.

"He quit."


	3. I'm Sorry

"_He's probably at his apartment or something, and __**Olivia**__, thanks to whatever happened between __**you**__**two**__ last night, Elliot isn't coming back."_

"_No! Don't fire him! He didn't do anything wrong!"_

"_Olivia…"_

"_Fire me! Not him!"_

"_Olivia!"_

"_I mean captian. Please."_

"_OLIVIA! I DIDN'T FIRE HIM"_

_I looked at him completely baffled._

"_He quit."_

"What do you mean he quit!"

"That's exactly what I mean Olivia. He quit."

I stood there dumbfounded. "I don't…I don't understand…"

"I don't know what you did to him, but _you _need to fix this! If you don't, you will be the next one to walk out that door. FIX THIS!"

"Yes captain."

I marched out of the Precinct, into the frigid air, not even bothering to grab my jacket. I didn't care that Elliot's apartment was almost 20 blocks away. I was going there and he was going to talk to me, whether he wanted to or not. The one thing I couldn't comprehend was why Elliot would quit? He loves his job! That man is so unpredictable, yet of course another thing I love about him!

**ELLIOT**

I was sitting on my bed with my head in my hands. I can't believe that I quit my job over a woman. Yes, she just so happens to be the woman I have been in love with for the better part of 10 years, but my job has always been my life. Without my job and without Olivia I had nothing! Nothing! My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by someone knocking on my door. Who the hell is knocking at my fucking door at 9:45AM? Everybody I know knows that I work during the week. I grumbled as I got up from the couch and looked out the peephole. GREAT! The LAST person I wanted to see.

I unlocked the dead bolt and unlocked the door pulling it open. "WHAT DO YOU Wan…" my voice drifted away. Olivia was pale as a ghost and she was soaked from head to toe. All the anger that I had planned to unleash on her quickly faded away and concern immediately replaced it.

"Oh GOD! Liv! Come in!"

I ran to the bathroom and I started the shower, making it only slightly warm, knowing that if it was too warm it would burn her icy skin.

I ran back to where she was standing in my living room and slammed my front door shut before picking up the frozen body in front of me.

As soon as I had reached the bathroom I began to peel off her layers of soaked clothing. Nothing she was wearing was dry. As I bent down to pull off her shoes I could feel her beginning to fall. I grabbed her and sat her down on the toilet, knowing that there was no way she was going to be able to stand in the shower herself. I quickly stripped down to my boxers and helped her into the shower holding onto her waist tightly.

I slowly began heating the shower water in an attempt to warm up her body. She was still shaking violently and cold to the touch, but I could see a little bit of color returning to her face.

I shut off the shower, stepped out, and grabbed a towel still holding her waist tightly. I wrapped her up tightly and led her into my room. I helped her sit down on my bed and I hurried over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of my boxers, a pair of sweatpants, an NYPD t-shirt and my grey sweatshirt. I returned to her side and helped her put on the clothes, making sure that I was being careful not to touch her anywhere she wouldn't want to be touched.

"Liv. Sweetheart. What were you doing? What were you thinking?" I looked into her eyes searching for an answer, but she remained silent. "Oh Liv."

I rose from the bed pulling back the covers and helping her in.

I walked over to my dresser and peeled off my soaking wet boxers. If I hadn't known any better I could have sworn that I heard her gasp. Once I finished dressing I turned to her. "I'm going to make you some tea Liv. I'll be right back." I turned to leave.

"El, don't go. I'm cold."

I sighed. "Oh, Liv."

I returned to her and I was shocked when she made room for me on the bed next to her. I smiled and layed down next to her, wrapping my arms around her before slowly drifting off to sleep.

**OLIVIA**

Even before I opened my eyes I could feel a warm body next to me. Suddenly I began to panic. Who the HELL was I laying in bed with? I quickly opened my eyes, blinking in the bright sunlight. I took a deep breath and gasped. I knew that smell anywhere. That cologne was unmistakable. I even bought some myself and sprayed it on my pillow when I missed him. Elliot. He was laying next to me.

I shifted slightly, pressing my body into his, not knowing if I would get an opportunity like this again. As I pressed myself closer to him he groaned slightly. _SHIT! _I almost squealed, quickly pulling myself away from him. He was hard and clearly straining against his boxers.

My sudden movement must have startled him awake because the next thing I know he is staring straight into my eyes. "Morning sunshine" he smiled.

I blushed furiously.

"What?"

"I'm sorry El, I didn't mean to do it. Well I mean, I don't know if I did it but yeah. Oh, god this is embarrassing. I should go. I'm sorry.

"Liv? What are you talking about?" He questioned, quickly jumping out of bed.

"I umm…I…I'm sorry." I couldn't help staring at his raging hard on.

"What Liv?" He quickly glanced down at his body to see what I was looking at. "OH SHIT!" He gasped, snatching the sheets off the bed and turning bright red. "Oh God! Liv. I'm so sorry. I…I…"

"El, it's okay. It's totally natural. Don't worry about it."

"No Liv, it's not okay. I'm so sorry."

He quickly made a beeline for the bathroom.

"El, I think that I'm gonna go."

"No! Don't!" He jumped. "Please, Liv. I need to talk to you. I'll be out in a couple of minutes.

I sighed and walked out into the living room.


	4. You need me

"_What Liv?" He quickly glanced down at his body to see what I was looking at. "OH SHIT!" He gasped, snatching the sheets off the bed and turning bright red. "Oh God! Liv. I'm so sorry. I…I…"_

"_El, it's okay. It's totally natural. Don't worry about it."_

"_No Liv, it's not okay. I'm so sorry."_

_He quickly made a beeline for the bathroom. _

"_El, I think that I'm gonna go."_

"_No! Don't!" He jumped. "Please, Liv. I need to talk to you. I'll be out in a couple of minutes._

_I sighed and walked out into the living room._

**ELLIOT**

I was absolutely mortified. Olivia had felt my erection. That wasn't exactly how I envisioned Olivia feeling me for the first time. I mean, come on, I would be lying to myself if I said that I hadn't wanted her since the first time that I met her. I am completely in love with my partner.

I sighed and turned on the shower; letting it run cold I stepped into it, hoping that I could get rid of my erection that way. I stood there in the shower for several minutes hoping that I could get it to go away. Of course, it was just my luck that it didn't work. I stopped torturing myself with the icy water and heated it up. I looked down at my length and sighed as I began to stroke it and I hissed softly at the contact. I pumped my shaft harder and faster. I knew that I was about to reach my peak. Knowing that Olivia was in my living room well aware of what I was doing was so unbelievably arousing. I grunted as I reached my peak and shot my load onto the shower floor.

When I stepped into the living room, fully clothed, Olivia was curled up on the couch. "Hey Liv."

She turned to look at me, her face still bright red. "El, look, I'm sorry."

"Liv, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is El. If I hadn't been so awful to you yesterday you wouldn't have quit. If you hadn't quit, I wouldn't have come over here. And if I hadn't come over here, none of this would have happened. God Damn It! I'm sorry."

"Liv, I just needed some time to figure things out. It's not your fault."

"Elliot." She slowly rose from the couch and walked into my arms. I held her close to me, inhaling her scent. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." She sobbed into my chest. I pulled her even closer to me. "I didn't mean it El. I don't know why I said those awful things. I'm so sorry. I don't blame you for hating me, but please, just know that I am really and truly sorry." She went to pull away, but I didn't release my grip on her.

"Liv. Look at me." She looked into my eyes. "I forgive you." I lowered my face to hers and stared into her hazelnut eyes. I leaned in closer, I could feel her warm breath on my face. "I could never hate you Olivia Benson."

Suddenly aware once again of the extreme sexual tension between us, she pulled away.

I looked deeply into her hazelnut eyes, searching for an answer. The answer that I could never find, to a question I could never ask.

"But we're always fighting El."

"Well that's what we do, we fight…You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing." **(A/N 10 points if you can guess what movie that quote is from.)**

"Shut up Elliot." She demanded softly. "I'm being serious here. I can't live without you. I need Elliot Stabler, my partner and my best friend."

Again I stared into her eyes. "And I need you too Livvie." I whispered seductively into her ear. She shuddered at the close proximity of our bodies and then pulled away quickly.

"So, if it's okay that we fight, and we both admit that we need each other this badly, Can I have my partner back?"

I sighed.

"What?" she questioned, clearly concerned.

"I can't be your partner Liv."

"WHY THE HELL NOT ELLIOT?" she shrieked

"Cause…I need my revolver and my shield Liv."

A wave of relief washed over her face. "Did you really think that I would reject you like that Benson? Am I really that mean?" I smirked.

"El, I don't think that you want me to answer that." She smiled

"Fair enough Liv, fair enough." I conceded. "Let's go Detective Benson. You can't do your job without me. You need me."

"Shut up Elliot." She laughed, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together we walked out of my apartment and headed for the Precinct.


	5. Section 256

_**Sorry this took so long to update. I have had a lot to deal with these past few days. Thanks for being AWESOME! Oh yeah, 10 points to lawandorderSVUismylife for correctly guessing THE NOTEBOOK!**_

_** PLEASE R & R**_

**ELLIOT**

As we walked up the steps of the Precinct Olivia turned and smiled at me, a silent thank you. I smiled back at her and we walked into the bullpen.

We stopped at her desk and I gave her hand a squeeze and I let her go, pulling out her chair for her. She smiled and took her seat and I walked over to my desk.

To my surprise there was a file sitting there. Why would Cragen give this to me even though he knew that I had quit?

My thoughts were interrupted by the man himself. "Stabler! My office now!"

I sighed. Whenever Cragen called you into his office alone it was a bad sign.

I walked into his office, shutting the door behind me. Cragen handed me a piece of paper. I looked at it completely puzzled.

"Read the highlighted part Stabler."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion but decided there was no point in making a scene. "Section 25-6. NYPD employees are strictly prohibited from engaging in intimate or sexual relations with members of their team or partnership." I looked up at Cragen utterly confused. "Yeah…so…Cap, I'm well aware of this rule. Why exactly is this relevant?"

"Elliot, you are one of the best detectives SVU has ever had. As long as I don't see this relationship interfering with your work, I can try to overlook it."

"Captain. I'm sorry. I honestly have no idea what you are talking about."

"STABLER I may be old but I am not an idiot! The whole holding hands, smiling at each other like love struck teenagers, holding doors and pulling out chairs. Come on Elliot."

I nearly choked. "With who…Olivia?" I asked incredulously.

"Who else would I be talking about here?"

"Captain, I can assure you that there is nothing going on between us. Absolutely nothing."

"You honestly expect me to believe that?"

I rose from my chair and opened the door. "Hey Liv," she looked up. "Cragen wants to talk to you."

As she stepped into the room I turned to her. "This man," I pointed to Cragen "is convinced that we are in a relationship."

"WHAT? Captain! That is against Section 25-6!"

I chuckled. She has obviously thought about it (us being together) before cause there is no way that she could remember that randomly.

"Liv?" I smiled "How do you know that?"

She turned and glared at me. "Shut up Elliot!" she spat.

I smirked and I was about to speak as Cragen broke the silence.

"I don't care what is or isn't going on between the two of you, but I don't want to see it on the job! Is that clear?"

We looked at each other and nodded "Crystal."

The two detectives walked out of the precinct at 2:30AM. Their newest case was kicking their asses. A young 16 year old girl was abducted on her way home from school, brutally beaten and raped repeatedly before being thrown into an alley, where she was left to die. Not a case that the dynamic duo would usually have any trouble with, but neither detective could really pay attention to their job.

**ELLIOT**

"Hey, El." I turned to look at her. "My place is only a few blocks away, why don't you come crash at my place."

"Uh…Liv…Is that really such a great idea?"

"Please Elliot."

I furrowed my brow, unsure of how to respond to her request. If I accepted, I risked having a repeat of this morning, but if I denied I would just be rude.

"I don't know Liv."

"Please El…I don't want you to go."

I turned to look into her eyes. "Liv…What's going on? Why don't you want me to go home?"

She looked away, avoiding my gaze. "I'm afraid. I let you go twice before and I almost lost you both times. I'm afraid to lose you again El."


	6. KISS?

**OMG! I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY! I HAD SUPER BAD WRITERS BLOCK, BUT THEN I GOT SUCKED INTO THIS ONE-SHOT, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER IF I JUST ADDED IT TO THIS STORY! KAY, WELL I'M REALLY SORRY! I PROMISE THAT I'LL UPDATE SOONER NEXT TIME CAUSE I'VE WRITTEN QUITE A BIT OF THE "ONE-SHOT" KAY! SO ENJOY!**

**PLEASE R & R!**

My heart sunk. It was an odd feeling because I was comforted by the fact that she wanted me to be with her, but I was discouraged because I was afraid to make any sort of advance towards her. I didn't want her to feel all alone. I don't think that either of us could survive very well without the other.

"I won't go anywhere Liv. I'm staying right here with you."

I grabbed her hand and we walked back to her apartment silently.

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

I handed her a beer as I took a seat next to her on her couch. She wasted no time cuddling up to me, and believe me, I was all for that. We sat there silently for a while before I finally worked up the courage to speak.

"Liv, please know that I will never leave you. I'm here for you. Please sweetheart, please don't be afraid that I'll leave you, because I could never in a million years imagine a life without you."

I could feel the silent sobs wracking her body.

"Shhhhh…Liv, it's okay sweetie. Don't cry Liv." I could feel the tears threatening to escape my own eyes.

"Liv, look at me." She slowly turned to look at me, her eyes puffy and her face tearstained. "Oh, Liv…" I sighed as I brought my hand up to her face brushing her tears away with the pad of my thumb. Her gaze slowly lifted from the floor up to me and we stared at each other for quite a while, before she brought her face within inches of mine. As much as I wanted to kiss her and take her right there on the couch, I thought better of it. She was upset and vulnerable and if I let her kiss me I would be taking advantage of her. I didn't want her to regret anything the next morning, so I quickly pulled away, clearing my throat. He eyes popped open and her cheeks were flaming red. "I'm sorry Liv, I got to go. I need to go home, shower and get a little sleep before tomorrow. Remember, you have a really important interrogation tomorrow. I smiled quickly before turning and rushing out the door. I hated leaving her. It had barely been an hour since I had told her that I would never leave her. Now she'll really never want me.

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

I stood in the observation room with Fin watching my partner, the beautiful Olivia Benson interrogate Cecilia, our newest suspect. She had murdered a woman to prove her love to a convicted serial rapist. _What the fuck had this world come to? _I sighed and turned my attention back to the interrogation.

"Robert loves me" Cecilia cried.

"But he didn't want to see you anymore."

"No, he was just having doubts" She insisted.

"**I know what it's like growing up without a father. Wishing that you had a man that loved you…unconditionally.** I still know what it's like. I live it every day." Olivia sighed.

"I used to feel like, like there was part of me that was missing. I felt hollow. Then I met Robert" Cecilia whimpered.

"And he filled that all."

"Yeah." Cecilia's voice faltered.

"And then just like every other guy, he goes and breaks your heart. I know exactly how that feels too."

"IT'S NOT FAIR! I LOVED HIM! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME BACK!" Cecilia roared.

"I know. When you find somebody you love, they're either off limits or impossible to please. Believe me. I come face to face with that pain each and every day." Her eyes clouded over and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

_How could Olivia say that she doesn't have any man that loves her unconditionally? It's nice to fucking know that I don't count. I love her…There! I finally admitted it to myself…I LOVE OLIVIA BENSON!_

I stormed out of the observation absolutely livid. How could she not see how much I love her? I wanted more than anything to just barge into the interrogation room and kiss her. Then I wanted to go kill the bastard who hurt her. Nobody hurts my partner and gets away with it. The next thing I know I'm standing out on the roof looking out over the city. I just can't fathom how she doesn't see how much I love her! It kills me every fucking day to know that I can't have her.

**OLIVIA**

_Cecilia, quite possibly could win a case using the insanity defense. That woman killed to earn the love and approval of a convicted serial rapist._

I sighed walking out of the interrogation room, my thoughts clouded by the events of last night. Everything feels right when I'm with him. I didn't understand what I did wrong. I quickly shoved those thoughts out of my mind. I opened the door of the observation room to see Fin standing there. "Hey Fin, where's Elliot? Wasn't he in here?" I questioned.

"He just stormed out of here baby girl. I don't think that he liked something that you said. It was probably something about no man loving you unconditionally… Come on baby girl, you know that's not true."

"Fine, tell me one person that loves me unconditionally." I looked at him expectantly.

"Me, Elliot, Munch, Cragen…Do you want me to keep going?

I shook my head. "Fin, I don't mean it like that. I have nobody who is in love with me."

"Baby girl, but you know that there's somebody we all know that LOVES you like that."

I stared at him skeptically. "Enlighten me."

"Elliot."

I could feel all of the blood rushing to my cheeks. "He's my partner Fin. He's been my partner for the past nine and a half years. I think I would know if Elliot was in love with me."

"Oh yeah, just like none of us know that you are head over heels for him."

My cheeks flamed even more. Was it really that obvious?

"Does he know that Fin?" I gulped, afraid of his answer.

"Everybody can see how in love you two are with each other, except for the two of you." He looked at me with concern, "That's who you were talking about? Elliot? He's off limits, and it breaks your heart every day to see him because he doesn't show any interest in you."

Tears once again clouded my vision. "Where is he?"

"When he stormed out he mentioned something about the roof."

"Thanks"


	7. A Shoulder to Cry On

**OMG! I AM SOOOOOOOOO SORRY! THIS WEEKEND HAS BEEN SUPER HECTIC AND I FEEL REALLY BAD THAT IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG FOR ME TO UPDATE! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!**

**I'M ALSO LOOKING FOR SUGGESTIONS OF THINGS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN. PLEASE R & R!**

**AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,**

**HERE IS CHAPTER 7!**

I took the stairs two at a time up to the roof, where I pushed the door open and rushed out to see Elliot sitting on the side of the roof, his legs dangling over the edge. His head snapped up when he heard me, and he slowly turned around to look at me. His eyes were both bloodshot and filled with rage. Looking closer at him though, I could see a hint of disappointment and betrayal behind his fury.

"What the hell happened to you Elliot?"

He turned back around, looking out over the city. "I needed air." He snarled.

"Well Fin told me that you stormed off when I said something. Did I say something you didn't like Detective Stabler?" I taunted. I knew that I shouldn't taunt him at a time like this, but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself.

"Shut up Olivia!"

That stung. He never called me Olivia. He always called me Liv. Whatever I said must have made him hate me.

"El. Talk to me. What did I say?" My voice faltered. I hated it when Elliot was mad at me.

"Nothing." He turned away again, his voice softening.

"Elliot, please. Please stop pushing me away."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You're not the only one afraid of losing their partner Olivia!" He snapped as he spun around to face me, his eyes wild with anger.

I winced once again at his use of my full name and my eyes began to water.

"Elliot," I cooed. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing" he sighed

My patience was wearing thin."STOP SHUTTING ME OUT ELLIOT!"

"YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING HYPOCRITE BENSON! Two FUCKING days ago it was YOU who was shutting ME out! HOW DOES IT FUCKING FEEL OLIVIA? WHEN THE PERSON YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE MOST IN THIS WORLD FUCKING SHUTS YOU OUT!" He roared.

I cringed and turned my head away because the tears that had been threatening to fall began cascading down my cheeks.

"IT DOESN'T FEEL VERY FUCKING GOOD, DOES IT BENSON!"

I spun around, not caring that I was now sobbing. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"WHY SHOULD I OLIVIA?"

"We're standing here on top of the precinct roof screaming at each other, and frankly I have no idea why you are so upset with me!"

"How could you say you have nobody who loves you unconditionally? How could you FUCKING say that!"

"I was trying to sympathize with the victim," I lied. "I know that there are people that love me unconditionally."

"Why are you lying? You've been my partner for almost 10 years. I think I'd know when you were lying to me."

"I don't need this right now Elliot!" I turned and headed back for the door, before he grabbed my arm and spun me around, pulling me in close to his body. I shuddered involuntarily.

"This is exactly what you DO need right now Olivia. You need to know that I love you unconditionally, Munch, Fin, Cragen, we all love you unconditionally. You know that Liv," He lifted my chin up to look at him. "What is this really about?"

"It's about love Elliot, real love. I have nobody to love me. Sometimes with this job it's easier to be single, but that's not what I want. I want what you have Elliot. I want a wonderful family. I want to have a ring on my finger and I want to wake up next to the one person I love most in this world."

"Olivia. Kathy and I are divorced. We've been divorced for almost three months, and, Olivia You CAN have all that." He pulled me in for a hug, our fight all but forgotten.

That was one thing that I both loved and hated about our relationship we could be screaming at each other one second and I could be sobbing into his shoulder the next.

"No Elliot. I can't" I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Why Liv?"

"I'd be risking everything I have, what little I have, the team, my job…and you." My voice faltered. "I can't risk all of that Elliot."

"But you deserve to be happy."

"But I never will be. He'd be risking everything in his life too. I could never put the man that I love through all of that. I'd rather love him from afar than risk losing him all together."

"Olivia" He looked deep into my eyes. "Any man would be lucky to have you. He'd have to be an idiot not to see it. And he'd have to be even more of an idiot if he didn't think that risking it all was worth it too."

I scoffed. "Well then, maybe you should tell him yourself, because he certainly doesn't seem to get it."

"Tell me who the idiot is, and I'll tell him myself."

I snapped back to reality. I was NOT having this conversation with him right now. "Why am I telling you this? We have work to do Elliot."

I pulled away from his embrace and blushed when I saw the tear stains on his shirt, "Sorry about your shirt" and before he could say anything else I was halfway down the stairs, heading back down to the squad room.

**OKAY, SO I ALSO FORGOT TO THANK EVERYBODY WHO ANSWERED MY QUESTION ABOUT CONTINUING OR NOT. I'VE DECIDED THAT I CAN MAKE THE CHAPTER WHERE THEY GET TOGETHER APPEAR LIKE AN ENDING SO THE PEOPLE THAT WANT IT TO END THERE CAN END THERE AND BE SATISFIED. THEN FOR THOSE WHO WANT MORE, I'LL CONTINUE WITH THIS STORY! SOUND GOOD? **

**YAAAYYYY! THIS CHAPTER IS EXACTLY 1000 WORDS!**


	8. Brownstone

**OKAY! I AM SOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO SOOOOO INCREDIBLY SORRY!**

**I've been having a super hard time and I've been super busy lately and I've had terrible writers block! **

**PLEASE FORGIVE ME!**

**AFTER I PUBLISH THIS CHAPTER I'M GONNA TAKE A SMALL NAP AND START WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER WHEN I WAKE UP. HOPEFULLY I'LL BE ABLE TO POST IT TONIGHT!**

**SORRY AGAIN!**

Elliot

I sighed as I watched her disappear down the stairs "But, I DO love you like that Olivia!" I whispered.

In that moment I made a decision and I whipped out my phone and texted her…_Please come back here for just a second. I need to show you something._

I stood there waiting for her, trying to rehearse what it was that I was going to say. When I heard footsteps coming up the stairwell my brain froze. The door opened and Olivia strode over to me.

"What did you need to show me Elliot?"

I gulped. It was now or never. "I needed to show you that there is somebody out there that loves you." She looked at me, clearly puzzled. She closed her eyes slowly, unsure of what to expect as I hesitantly brought my hand up to cup her cheek and I brushed away the hair that had fallen in front of her face. I brought my face towards hers. "All you have to do is say 'stop'" I breathed, before I closed the gap between us, kissing her tenderly. She gasped in surprise, but never the less she accepted my kiss, her lips parting slowly to grant me access. I took this as an invitation to move my body closer to hers and my tongue slowly crept its way into her mouth. Our tongues furiously battled for dominance in an attempt to expel all the pent up emotions we had hidden for so many years. Suddenly she detached her lips from mine. "Elliot," she breathed "Stop."

My heart dropped. She didn't want this and I had just crossed the line. No, I didn't just cross the line, I fucking raced over it at 100 fucking miles an hour! _WHAT THE HELL HAD I JUST DONE? _I quickly pulled my body away from hers, my cheeks burned and I avoided her gaze. "Liv, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry...That was wrong...I shouldn't have done that..." My voice faltered. My eyes began to sting as tears began to well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry." I mumbled one last time before bolting down the stairs and out the front door of the precinct. My body wouldn't stop. I kept running, ignoring the burning protest of my lungs. I don't know what possessed me to run there, but I found myself outside of the apartment of Casey Novak. I walked around the back into the small alley. I was so angry with myself. I had really done it this time. Olivia would never talk to me ever again! I turned to face the wall, my fist connecting with the brownstone. I recoiled at the searing pain shooting up my arm, but my brain didn't seem to care and my fist connected with that wall time and time again until my hand was covered and oozing with blood, and I felt my wrist and several knuckles crack. I sighed and pulled my body back to the front of her building, ignoring the excruciating pain I was in. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. My body carried me up the stairs and I sunk down beside the door of her apartment.

I sat there with my head in my good hand as the other one rested on my knee. I sat there for what must have been hours because the next thing I know I hear a familiar voice call my name.

"Elliot?" Casey walked towards me and I dropped my injured hand between my legs so she wouldn't see what I had done. She looked at me and turned to unlock her door. "What did you do this time Elliot?"

"I fucked up Case. I royally fucked up!"

She sighed and her front door swung open. "Come in." She sighed.

I went to put both my hands down to push myself up, forgetting about the damage I had done to my left hand. "SHIT!" I hissed loudly as I attempted to put pressure on my injured hand. I muttered obscenities under my breath.

Casey appeared at the door once more and sighed as she looked at me.

"Let me see." She whispered softly.

I looked away as I lifted my hand to show her. I was so embarrassed.

"Jesus Elliot! You've got to go to the ER." I looked at her pleadingly. "Elliot, you NEED to go to the Emergency Room. I'll go with you and we can talk on the way there. I finally sighed and managed to awkwardly stand up.

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

For the first 20 minutes of our wait both of us remained silent. _That was one thing I really liked about Casey. She knew when to give people space and she knew not to push people too hard._

I finally turned to her. "I really screwed up Case. I don't think that I can fix it this time. I ki-"

My words were cut off by the ring of Casey's phone. She looked at the caller ID and then looked to me. She sighed and rolled her eyes before answering.

"Hey Liv."

My blood turned to ice.

"Hey, Liv, sweetie, I can't understand you... ..HE WHAT? Okay...Okay... Liv, I'm sorry, I'm with a friend in the emergency room...No...it's no big deal..." she looked at me again "No, you don't know her, her name is Jocey...I'll stop by your place later, okay?...Hang in there sweetie..."

She hung up and turned to face me. "YOU KISSED HER?" she hissed.

"Casey, she convinced herself that nobody loved her and I had to prove that she was wrong. I love her. I am so totally in love with her!"

She opened her mouth to respond, but was silenced by another voice.

"STABLER!"

I stood up and made my way over to the nurse.

I sat in the exam room with the nurse. She looked at my hand carefully. "Elliot Stabler...You and your partner are quite a team I hear. How do you separate your relationship from your work partnership?"

"We're just friends," I growled. "if we're even that anymore..."

"Oh...I'm sorry...That's how this happened? What? You tried to kiss her or something?"

"Not only did I try, I succeeded, she seemed to be enjoying it, until our tongues were in each others mouths. Then she suddenly stops and tells me no." I mumbled.

"I'm very sorry about that...but I feel even sorrier for whoever was your punching bag. They must be seriously banged up."

I scoffed. "Trust me, the brownstone went unscathed."

"You punched a wall?" She questioned skeptically.

"A few...okay...a lot of times."

"Well, that would certainly explain your injuries. You seem to have suffered both a Scaphoid fracture and Colles fracture as well as several metacarpal fractures."

"English please!"

"You broke the bottom part of your radius, one of the bones in your arm, as well as one of the bones in your wrist and you broke several fingers as well. You'll need surgery."


	9. Talk to Casey

**You know, these chapters always look so much longer when I'm typing them. *sigh***

**Oh Well, at least I'm trying here.**

**Now to start on Chapter 10!**

"_You punched a wall?" She questioned skeptically._

"_A few...okay...a lot of times."_

"_Well, that would certainly explain your injuries. You seem to have suffered both a Scaphoid fracture and Colles fracture as well as several metacarpal fractures."_

"_English please!"_

"_You broke the bottom part of your radius, one of the bones in your arm, as well as one of the bones in your wrist and you broke several fingers as well. You'll need surgery."_

"Surgery?"

"We'll have to get X-Rays, but chances are, yes. Colles fractures are very serious.

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

"Well, Mr. Stabler. You are one lucky man." The doctor announced walking into my exam room. You have a hairline fracture in your radius, which means that there is really no need for major surgery. You did, however break your schaphoid into three pieces. This will require a small incision for us to wire the bone back together. It is a simple outpatient procedure and within two or three months you should make a full recovery. We will also set your broken fingers and you'll be in an arm cast for the next 2 months. You, detective will get to enjoy 3 whole months of desk duty." He smiled sadly.

Of course! This would fucking happen to ME!

"Fine. Do whatever you've got to do, but after it's healed I need to be able to shoot my gun."

"Not a problem detective. We can start now if you'd like."

I looked at my watch. It was 5AM. I was gonna need to call Cragen. I needed a few days off. I needed this surgery, and I really couldn't face Olivia right now.

"Yeah, let me just call my boss."

He nodded and I pressed 3 on my speed dial.

"Cragen..." He answered groggily.

"Hey Cap, it's Elliot. Sorry to wake you, but I need the rest of the week off."

"Why couldn't this wait another two hours Stabler?"

"I'm about to go into surgery. It would be a little hard to call you when I'm in the Operating Room."

He sounded wide awake now. "Are you Okay?"

"Yeah, Cap, I'm fine." I answered.

"NO HE'S NOT!" Casey grabbed the phone from me. "He decided to take out his rage on my brownstone." She spoke into the phone. "Yeah, I think he'll need the rest of the week off...No, I know he usually has Olivia for these kinds of things, but they're not exactly talking right now...No, I think it would be best if you didn't tell her...Yea...Surgery and then desk duty for 3 months...I know...okay...Yes, I'll make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid...have a good day...Oh, would you also call the DA's Office and tell them there's been a family emergency so I can't come in...Thanks...You too...Bye." She snapped the phone shut and handed it back to me.

"Okay." I turned to the doctor. "Let's go."

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

OLIVIA

I took my time walking up the steps of the precinct. I had been up all night trying to think of something to say to Elliot. I mean what do you say to the man you have loved for 9 and a half years after he kisses you and then bolts. Granted, it was probably my fault that he bolted, but he could have stayed there and tried to talk it out with me instead of running.

I finally entered the room expecting the worst, but as I lifted my head I was surprised to see that Elliot's desk was empty. I looked up at Munch and Fin and asked "You guys seen Elliot?"

"Aren't you the one that always knows exactly where your partner is at all times, I mean you're practically joined at the hip." Munch teased.

My eyes began to well up with tears, which surprised me because I had spent a good 6 hours crying last night so I didn't thing I had any tears left to cry, but he had really struck a nerve.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Munch jumped up from his seat. "I didn't mean to upset you Olivia. I'm sorry. What' going on?"

"Where's Casey?" I whispered.

"She took the day off baby girl. She's with a friend who is at the Hospital."

I turned around and headed towards the door.

"Liv. Where are you going?"

"To the hospital. I need to talk to Casey."


	10. Now I understand

**HI! So my only excuse this time is that I was writing this story and then I had an inspiration to write another story. Then when I started that story I came up with another idea for a different story! CRAZY, I KNOW! But now THIS STORY IS OVER!**

**SEQUEL? **

**Let me know!**

**R & R**

**Pretty Please**

**FINAL CHAPTER**

**NOW I UNDERSTAND**

"SHIT!" Munch growled. "Fin, call Casey!"

"Her phone is off!" Finn hissed as he slammed the phone down on its receiver.

"What now Munch?"

"Nothing...There's nothing we can do. We'll never get there before she does. The two of them have got to face this eventually; I guess it's just going to be sooner rather than later."

E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O E/O

I marched my way into the waiting room of Mercy hospital scanning the crowd for Casey. It took me only a moment to spot the redhead.

CASEY

"I see you've been too busy to call me Casey!" Olivia snapped, jolting me awake.

"Olivia! What are you doing here!"

"I cane to talk to my best friend!"

"I'm sorry, but Olivia, you really can't be here!"

"Excuse me?"

"Olivia! You need to go!" My voice turned frantic as I saw Elliot's doctor quickly approaching with a smile on his face.

"Olivia...Please..."

"NO!"

"Ms. Novak" the doctor politely interrupted.

"The surgery was a success. He's still in recovery, but he'll be waking up any minute. He'll be good to go in an hour or so. In a few months Elliot will have full mobility of his wrist and fingers and he'll be shooting a gun just like before. I'll come get you when he wakes up."

"Thanks." I mumbled.

Once the doctor was a safe distance away I slowly turned to face Olivia.

"ELLIOT?" She spat. "YOU'VE BEEN COVERING FOR HIM THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME?"

"Olivia, he came to me for help. He is my friend and he was hurt." I tried to reason with her.

"BUT I'M NOT A GOOD ENOUGH FRIEND? I DON'T FUCKING MATTER?"

"Olivia, that isn't fair. He got so upset about how he treated you Liv, he lost control again. I did this to help him, but I also did it to help you. You two are lost without each other, and its been 10 years and you still don't see it!"

Her face suddenly softened as she realized that he had been hurt.

"Is he okay?" her voice quivered.

"Yeah, he just needed a small surgery to repair his broken wrist."

She looked up at me. "Who did he punch this time?"

"My brownstone."

"You're kidding?"

I shook my head with a small smile.

"He really loves you Liv. Like, REALLY loves you!"

Her eyes filled with tears. "But then why did he leave?"

"He's afraid Liv. He's afraid that you don't see him that way. He's afraid that if your relationship doesn't work out that you can't be friends anymore. He's afraid Liv, just like you."

She sighed. "I never thought in a million years that he would ever have feelings for me. I always dreamed of how wonderful it would be to have a relationship with him, but I never thought it would happen. Now that I know how he feels I don't know how to react. I thought that I would, but I have absolutely no clue Casey and I'm scared to death.

"It's okay to be scared Liv."

Moments later the doctor returned. "You can go see Elliot now."

Casey smiled at me. "Well, I know that you have a lot to discuss with Elliot and it wont do much good with the both of us here. Why don't you stay. He'll want to see you when he wakes up, not me."

I smiled. "Thanks Case. I feel terrible that I was so mean to you. You really are a great friend!"

She smiled at me once more before leaving the hospital.

10 minutes later I was situated in one of the chairs next to Elliot's bed. I held his good hand, he could be so gentle at times, and so rough and violent at others. He was unpredictable. But I know Elliot and I feel safe with him. He's my rock.

I slowly drifted off to sleep, but was jolted awake when I heard his voice. "Liv..." He groaned in an attempt to ask if I was there.

"I'm right here EL."

He did his best to smile in his drug induced state and moved over on the bed for me. I climbed in next to him and he held me close.

"I'm sorry Livvie. I just panicked. I thought that when you said 'stop' it meant that you didn't want me. I thought that I had just fucked up a 10 year relationship. I thought that I had lost you, and I couldn't face that Liv."

"Hold me El. Hold me tight. No matter what I say, don't let me go. I have a track record of trying to run away. Don't let me do it this time. I love you more than you could ever imagine." My lips brushed against his before he captured my mouth in another mind blowing kiss. This time, however, nobody was going to walk away. We both understood.


End file.
